Lisa's Faith Journey

Peggy Ella Knoth

Penned August 11, 2018

BROKEN GLASS

I crawled through broken glass

To overcome my crushing past.

How did I go from dark to light?

May I share with you my plight?

I ran from life and how I felt.

I ran to drugs, to booze, to hell.

Self-destruction was my best friend.

Fear and shadows around each bend.

No sight to guide me to the light,

At least it seemed so in the night...

Of desperation, no peace in sight.

But God was there to shine his light.

I’d run from Him,

I’d run from life.

My life was hard…

So full of strife.

My emotions numb,

Thought I was empty.

But I was stunned…

With paper and pen

I wrote how “nothing” felt.

It felt like knives slashing my heart.

The pain so real, afraid to start,

Removing layers of feelings stuffed.

I’d hit the bottom... I’d had enough.

Dark secrets afraid to share

From years and years, it was too much.

To look at issues at the core—

Was I really ready to explore…

Why I had crawled through broken glass

To overcome my crushing past?

To think that I could ever change—

Could there be hope?

These thoughts were strange.

I’ve never known how to cope.

In my home alone I stood

To look at feelings—

and if I should.

I was so in need of healings...

Just staring up at the ceilings.

Would God hear me if I said

I’d let fear hold me back?

I’d let it fill my head?

That broken glass had left its track?

What if my sanity eloped?

What if the tears never stopped?

Would my heart still beat?

Would I die from shock?

Would I lose my mind

if I faced the truth

About my broken past?

How I had crawled through broken glass?

Would people judge me?

Would they hate me?

If they knew the sinful deeds I’d done?

If they saw my heart—My soul undone?

So I filled my life with drinks and drugs,

Bad relationships, hoods and thugs.

Thought I was worthless…

All I’d ever be.

Please don’t leave me—

Don’t abandon me!

I don’t deserve better—

Please don’t flee!

Love my shattered heart,

My desperate plea.

Please don’t leave me—

Don’t abandon me!

If you do, I’ll surely die—

Because rejection, 

I won’t survive.

Are you seeing the pattern?

Are you seeing the lies

The devil fed me

To self-despise?

All the years of guilt and shame.

Who else was there to blame?

Satan told me it was mine.

And after all, I was fine.

I longed to change

But I couldn’t do it

“God, give me will-power”

And I’ll pursue it.”

But nothing came.

I was so weak.

Felt like a failure.

Could hardly stand—

Could barely speak.

But I was bold,

And I was brave.

I prayed for courage,

That truth be told.

I admitted I was afraid,

For as a child, I was abused.

So then I spoke up and I said,

My innocence has been betrayed.

And when I did, the tears began.

God opened heaven and took my hand.

A ray of light split the sky.

And I began to understand.

In desperation I turned to Him,

In my own strength, I can’t depend.

I’m such a sinner and I admit

I’ve wrecked my life and I repent.

“LORD, I can’t change my life!

I’ve struggled and I’ve tried!

If I’m ever going to, it’s up to you.

My heart and soul and mind renew.”

I understood and saw at last

Why I had to crawl through broken glass.

To make me strong, to be complete—

To stop the cycle of self defeat.

I learned that Satan is a liar!

I know that well!

He tried to lead me

Straight to hell.

He said my pain would never end,

To get through life I must pretend.

I had to wear an outer mask

To hide the secrets about my past.

Satan said, if people knew,

They’d have no respect for you.

You can never, ever speak the truth,

Cause you and me, we’re in cahoots.

How I can break 

and shatter glass.

Now you have 

to wear a mask!

But in that moment of desperation,

God took my hand in preparation.

He lifted my feet to higher ground.

I new at last— I’d been lost and found.

In a twinkle, the LORD reached down

And set my feet on solid ground.

No more guilt from sin and shame.

He forgave my wretched sins

Because Jesus took the blame.

I knew at last when 

GOD looked down,

He didn’t see the sin I’d worn—

My shattered life, all ripped and torn.

Instead, he dressed me in a gown!

With mercy in his voice he said,

“Rise Up, my Child!” and on my head

He placed a crown and then He said,

“You’re a Daughter of the King,

I Love You More Than Anything!”

He took my life, every piece

All my pain and I saw at last—

Why I had crawled through broken glass.

My shattered life, my shattered past.

I surrendered my life to GOD’s will.

Then Christ redeemed me by His blood.

The peace and joy I’d never had,

I found forgiveness for this man.

We’re all just sinners, as you said.

Forgive him, Jesus, for him you bled.

I pray salvation for that man,

For his name, too, is on your hand.

So listen up, my friend, you need to know

That Christ can make you white as snow,

He forgives your sins and makes you whole,

Gives you purpose and all new goals.

He forgets your sins from east to west.

The Bible says He wants your best.

He’ll take your sins and all your mess,

Create in you a heart of flesh.

God’s only son died in your place,

So repent of your rebellious ways.

Confess that Jesus is your Lord.

And I promise this, you will be saved.

Because of Christ, I have no fear.

So listen close to what you hear.

You just might learn that from the start,

Satan lives to destroy your heart.

He’ll attack your life in every way,

Do anything to lead you astray.

He lied to me—

He’ll lie to you!

Unless you’re grounded in God’s word,

You might believe the lies you’ve heard.

If you come to God on bended knee,

You’ll know Christ came to set you free.

Though your heart was slashed

With shards of glass,

God’s love for you

Is deep and vast.

His grace ‘n mercy’s unsurpassed.

So this, my friend, is what I learned—

In Christ I have the VICTORY!

And Satan’s lies are contradictory!

MORE THAN A CONQUEROR, God says I am!

And on this truth, I take a stand!

We’re free! We’re free! We’re free at last!

From abuse and oppression of the past!

Rejoice, my soul, at God’s command!

He inscribed my name upon his hand!

Jesus died to take my place,

To bring me to a higher place.

I didn’t need a mount of faith

Because it came straight from His—

AMAZING GRACE.

August 11, 2018

Testimony of Peggy Knoth

Peggy Knoth

President/Founder

COAST Ministry, Inc.

501c3 Nonprofit Charitable Organization

Sarasota Florida 34241

coastministry@gmail.com